7 Things Holding You Back From the Life You Want

1. Your own fear

What you are fearing most does not have power; it is fear itself that has all of the power. Fear is the constant thoughts and feelings that loop around in your brain, making you second-guess yourself. The question is, how long are you going to allow fear to control you? The key to moving on is to accept your fears and face them head on.  Remove the weakening emotions and thoughts that you might have and seize the day.

2. The past

One of the best things that I have learned, especially from being in college for six years, is that you can really improve your life and personal well-being by letting go of what is in the past. We all have those days when we look back on our week and think, “What is in this for me? Why am I doing this?” In reality, this happens more than we’d like. Instead of reflecting or drowning yourself in negative memories, get rid of that cloud of hatred and let yourself BREATHE. Focus on what you want and how you’re going to make that happen.

3. Negative body image

This is always a sore subject, especially going to Cal Poly. We are surrounded by beautiful people 24/7 and it is extremely hard not to compare ourselves to others. But seriously, there is only one person’s opinion you should be concerned with when it comes your body and that is YOU. There is no such thing as a correct body type, as I talk about in “Ending the Thigh Gap.” Be proud of who you are and stay comfortable in your beautiful skin!

4. The idea of a perfect partner

Alright ladies, we’ve reached the age that having a checklist of qualifications for the perfect man or woman has got to go. Go ahead; toss it out the window because you don’t need it anymore. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t have standards when we’re looking for a significant other, but having unrealistic expectations of a relationship is only setting you up for disappointment. Be open to meeting new people. Talk to that cute guy in your class or share a snack with the girl at the library. Find the right person that makes you happy and accepts you for who you are. The sooner you realize that there isn’t the “perfect man” or “perfect woman” out there, the better off you will be.

5. Excuses, excuses and more excuses

We go to Cal Poly and live in one of the most beautiful cities in California. Stop complaining and making excuses. We keep making up excuses for too many things: from working out to not having time to do anything and everything. These rationalizations make us feel better about not doing something that you need/want to be doing, but how long are we going procrastinate? Get up early or skip out on your favorite TV show; start doing what you need to do!

6. Not trying

I’ll make this one simple; Life is what you put into it, so if you are not willing to work hard and put forth the effort, you will most likely end up unhappy. You have the capability to make your life the best it can be, so make it happen.

7. The need to be happy all the time

If we were happy all of the time, imagine how annoying that would be? There would be no real emotion or truth, just over-the-top smiles all around. We all need to feel sadness, defeat and anger. These feelings serve who you are; they teach you a lesson and show you what to care about. Being happy is great and all, but having a full-blown crying session or an intense workout to blow off steam is a great way to express yourself and who you are. Be happy and allow yourself to feel.

“Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.”
―F. Scott Fitzgerald

How and Why to Make the First Move

The sun is shining, summer is approaching and cute guys are randomly appearing all over campus. You can't help but stare as they walk past you, but when eye contact is made, all eyes immediately hit the ground. As you walk away, you can't help but think to yourself, "why did I just do that?!"

This is where the trouble begins. One question that I hear too often is whether or not women should ask a guy out. The answer is usually a blatant NO WAY.

Why?

As girls, we have been spoon-fed ideas of the "perfect" romance with Prince Charming with a chariot awaiting in the background, or John Cusack holding his boom box outside our window. We are constantly bombarded with reminders that if the man isn't the one making moves in the relationship, then he will feel emasculated and possibly lose interest. Women are supposed to sit back, look pretty and wait to be asked out on a date.  We are always looking for that attractive male with just the right amount of confidence, but how long are we willing to wait?

Instead of doubting yourself and using the typical "why don't guys like me?" question, why don't women go for what they want and ask a guy on a date? There aren't many reasons why you shouldn't, so why not take a chance and see what happens. This gives women the opportunity to go for a guy that they think is attractive and steer clear from those weirdos who hit on you at the bar. With texting and applications like Tinder, girls are already taking the initiative to talk to guys -- just in a safe zone.  Sure, approaching a guy may be intimidating, but this puts you in control of your dating destiny!

I say forget what we know and go with the new! There are plenty of guys out there who would love to have a girl approach them; we see it quite often on Cal Poly Confessions for crying out loud. Guys fear that their way of showing interest will give us the wrong impression and weird us out, so let's change it up and try something different. You never know who you'll end up meeting.

Here are some fun tips to show a guy that you're interested:

1. Buy him a beer 

For all of the ladies who are 21, if a cute guy catches your attention, send him a beer! This will let him know that you're intrigued, giving him the opportunity to talk to you and make the next move.

2. Go on a guy-friendly outing

Find out what he's interested in or what he did the previous weekend! Try surfing, hiking or the shooting range; this will allow him to see how much fun you guys have together and how adventurous you can be. Starting off as good friends can lead to great things, girls!

3. Check out a concert

There are plenty of spur-of-the-moment concerts along on the Central Coast, so why not go together? Find out what kind of music he likes-- or maybe you both have similar taste. The Mid-State Fair is quickly approaching and there'll be plenty of great country artists, so snag a pair of tickets and go together. This doesn't apply too much dating pressure and allows you both to have a great time.

4. Have a group hang out night

If you don't feel comfortable hanging out with him by yourself just yet, then get a group of your friends together and hang out. Whether it's making food, watching movies, or hitting the beach, this will give you two a chance to get to know each other better and feel relaxed.

Go get 'em, ladies!