Choose Love, Not Porn

Before I start this article, I want people to know that this is not an attack on porn, men or women. I watched a TED Talk that was really intriguing and I thought it would be good brain food for some who are interested.

If you enjoy watching TED Talks, then there is one that I recommend you watch.

In today's generation, word on the street is that young men are losing their "groove" in bed and women are feeling the pressure to amaze due to excessive exposure to porn. But is porn really ruining our sex lives?

Cindy Gallop, founder of "Make Love, Not Porn," openly talks about how an entire generation has a skewed idea of sex because of hardcore porn. According to Gallop, "99.9 percent of all mainstream porn is made by men for men. The entire goal of mainstream porn is to get the man off. As a result, an entire generation of guys and girls is growing up believe that the be-all and end-all of sex is to get the man off."

Gallop explains in her video that the impact of porn as a stand-in for sex education on the youth. There are a number of things that aren't being openly talked about in school and with parents, and young adults are looking to porn for answers. She makes it very clear on her website that she is not anti-porn, but rather encourages people to watch porn without any expectations. Her slogan of Make Love, Not Porn is intended to help inspire and stimulate open, healthy conversations about sex, and open, healthy relationships.

So how is this affecting college students?

While in school, it's hard to find time for a boyfriend or girlfriend, let alone the right person. That's where porn's free, unlimited accessibility comes in.  Today's users can find their release by watching porn in multiple windows, searching endlessly until they find the hottest bit or sexiest video to fulfill their needs. Joseph Gordon-Levitt recently produced a movie that about the balance of porn and love, called Don Jon. It showed how easy it was to have unlimited access to porn, how he found his release in his own way and how that affected his sexual experiences with women. He stopped watching porn and found the right kind of satisfaction -- LOVE.

After watching Don Jon and Make Love, Not Porn, I took away the message that watching porn is too easy. It's not even worth it! There are too many expectations and false ideas of what you and your partner should do, and it may only lead to disappointment and hurt feelings.

If you feel like a lot of your expectations of sex are from porn, then try to cut it out a little! Help end the cycle of what's considered "hot and dirty," and find someone who is going to appreciate your love and your body and vice versa without any sexual expectations. I guarantee if this generation stops relying on porn as a release or as sex education, relationships and sexual experiences will change for the better.

How and Why to Make the First Move

The sun is shining, summer is approaching and cute guys are randomly appearing all over campus. You can't help but stare as they walk past you, but when eye contact is made, all eyes immediately hit the ground. As you walk away, you can't help but think to yourself, "why did I just do that?!"

This is where the trouble begins. One question that I hear too often is whether or not women should ask a guy out. The answer is usually a blatant NO WAY.

Why?

As girls, we have been spoon-fed ideas of the "perfect" romance with Prince Charming with a chariot awaiting in the background, or John Cusack holding his boom box outside our window. We are constantly bombarded with reminders that if the man isn't the one making moves in the relationship, then he will feel emasculated and possibly lose interest. Women are supposed to sit back, look pretty and wait to be asked out on a date.  We are always looking for that attractive male with just the right amount of confidence, but how long are we willing to wait?

Instead of doubting yourself and using the typical "why don't guys like me?" question, why don't women go for what they want and ask a guy on a date? There aren't many reasons why you shouldn't, so why not take a chance and see what happens. This gives women the opportunity to go for a guy that they think is attractive and steer clear from those weirdos who hit on you at the bar. With texting and applications like Tinder, girls are already taking the initiative to talk to guys -- just in a safe zone.  Sure, approaching a guy may be intimidating, but this puts you in control of your dating destiny!

I say forget what we know and go with the new! There are plenty of guys out there who would love to have a girl approach them; we see it quite often on Cal Poly Confessions for crying out loud. Guys fear that their way of showing interest will give us the wrong impression and weird us out, so let's change it up and try something different. You never know who you'll end up meeting.

Here are some fun tips to show a guy that you're interested:

1. Buy him a beer 

For all of the ladies who are 21, if a cute guy catches your attention, send him a beer! This will let him know that you're intrigued, giving him the opportunity to talk to you and make the next move.

2. Go on a guy-friendly outing

Find out what he's interested in or what he did the previous weekend! Try surfing, hiking or the shooting range; this will allow him to see how much fun you guys have together and how adventurous you can be. Starting off as good friends can lead to great things, girls!

3. Check out a concert

There are plenty of spur-of-the-moment concerts along on the Central Coast, so why not go together? Find out what kind of music he likes-- or maybe you both have similar taste. The Mid-State Fair is quickly approaching and there'll be plenty of great country artists, so snag a pair of tickets and go together. This doesn't apply too much dating pressure and allows you both to have a great time.

4. Have a group hang out night

If you don't feel comfortable hanging out with him by yourself just yet, then get a group of your friends together and hang out. Whether it's making food, watching movies, or hitting the beach, this will give you two a chance to get to know each other better and feel relaxed.

Go get 'em, ladies!